Thousands of women hit the streets recently in Nigeria to insist some one do something about the pirates. THE PIRATES! WHAT IN THE NAME OF JESUS SON OF MARY IS GOING ON HERE??? F-ing PIRATES? Where is the East Indian Trading Company, or the West Indian Trading Company, or at least the Hudson Bay Company? They knew just what to do with pirates... PIRates... good god.
Stephanie Syjuco is an artist living in San Francisco, and although I can't condone her personal protest, she does create some intriguing art. Visit her site here: Link
Approximately 10,000 Parisians took to the streets last week in France to protest the coming ban on smoking in cafes which takes effect January 1st. The demonstrators walked several blocks, many wheezing, and coughing up blood, and some pulling oxygen bottles behind them as they made their way to the French National Assembly. One protester, though out of breath from the walk commented, "if I want to die of cancer and pass second hand smoke to others I should be able to, dammit... oh I feel dizzy" (translated from French).
Hundreds of religious fanatics massed outside the Sudanese presidential palace in Khartoum recently, wielding melee weapons of all kinds. The problem seems to be with a British teacher who let her class name a teddy bear "Mohammad". The reasons are clear and the Muslim perspective is well known, but what about the teddy bear? Has anyone considered the GODDAMN bear's feelings? I mean JESUS CHRIST, don't people CARE anymore? BOTH sides of this have completely ignored the real victim here. The bear is currently being held in a shoe box inside police headquarters - and still has no name. Despite the heavy security the bear was able to pass a statement to us. That statement: "GET ME OUT OF THIS HATEFUL, GOD FORSAKEN PLACE".
In Rome, Italy this week, taxi cab drivers have refused to pick up passengers and have set up road blocks to snarl traffic in an attempt to strong-arm the authorities into increasing fares. Similar methods have recently been used by cabbies in New York City and transportation unions in Paris, France. It just makes sense. Don't like something about your job? Screw your customers. That way, they'll have a greater appreciation of you, right? Not happy with your employer? Just hang around and get really bitter, and resentful then take it out on your customers. People will understand. Won't they? Just a thought, but try taking up a new profession. You can always work at a restaurant and spit in the customer's food from time to time... if it will make you feel better.
In yet another chapter in the sure-to-be voluminous saga of the Writers Guild of America strike, a writer has taken it upon himself to take the message to the LOCAL networks as well. "I'm picketing the company - CBS - that fed me for ten years"... that's what he said... at least he KNOWS what a schmuck he's being... I've lived my whole life not knowing what a schmuck I'm being. So, good luck with all that... I just hope this all gets resolved soon... can you imagine television getting even WORSE?!
In St. Petersburg Russia, over the weekend, and with only a week before the Russian presidential elections, several demonstrators voiced their disapproval of Russian President Vladimir Putin. The protesters were beaten with clubs and around 200 were arrested as Police quelled the mini-uprising . It was the second rally in as many days. Garry Kasparov (the "queen" if you will) was sentenced to five days in jail for his role in the tiny stratagem. Mr Kasparov, sitting in a cell with square, black and white tiles on the floor and walls, could be heard muttering to himself "I've got him right where I want him... knight to queen 4, rook to king 5... pawn takes QUEEN!". President Putin urged Kasparov to abandon his efforts to usurp power or he would see to it that Deep Blue* be sent in to "keek heez upstarrrt ass-inski!!".
A scam that lured untold thousands into investing in ant farms to make aphrodisiacs (you heard me) has ignited into angry civil unrest as huge crowds of Chinese poured into the streets demanding the government to step in and repay the duped citizens... ... I don't read Chinese but I think the product's slogan is something like "Get Busy at TEN TIMES the Potency of a Normal Human Being - Pound for Pound", or something like that. I'm sorry folks if you lost money in this but COME ON! So they advertised it on TV, so people have been getting paid for the last 8 years... a pyramid scheme is a pyramid scheme. Clearly, no one even bothered to actually TRY the product. I did... and my penis seems to be the same size as always - which is somewhere between banana size and butternut squash size. You can order your own GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ant farm and get ants in YOUR pants here :Link
Elizabeth Taylor used diplomacy and tact to coerce the WGA to stop striking on December 1st so that guests and entertainers could attend an AIDS Foundation fundraising event without having to cross the picket line. Now, Liz is a dear human being, and I'd still do her, but "Beseech those in power"? That's a little over the top dontchya think? It's almost as if the entertainment industry is the center of the universe... I guess actors will be running for political office next LOL... I know that's crazy talk... looking good and pretending to be some one you aren't can't be how people become leaders... that just wouldn't make sense, it's the issues right? The plan for the future? It would be crazy to just elect people because they look good on TV... wouldn't it? That never happens does it? Why do I hear crickets? In any event, good job Ms. Taylor getting those greedy writers to lay down their signs for you.
Today in Mogadishu, Somalia six radio stations went silent in protest of their government's attempt to "clamp-down" on freedom of the press. Last week, the Somali government closed down three radio stations due to inflammatory content which included anti-government material. The remaining radio stations still on the air there have silenced themselves for 24 hours in hopes of drawing more attention to their fellow radio-heads. Most Somalis believe that it really wasn't so much the propaganda and government criticism that infuriated Somali leadership, but rather the lack of "real, head-banging rock-n-roll" that never seems to get played there. It's an unusual strategy of protest - resist by doing exactly what they want you to do. Hmmm.
In Paris this past Sunday thousands of people took sign in hand and marched against another strike in progress by the transportation unions which have been causing horrible commuter nightmares for Parisians for nearly a week now. Around 8,000 demonstrators under the banner of a group known as "Beloved Liberty" chanted something in French that either meant "Liberate the Metro" or "The Library is a Meteor" - I need to brush-up on my French... wait I don't speak French. ANYWAY, everyone is really pissed.
Animal rights activists and a few crazy-cat-ladies took to the streets at New York's JFK airport over the weekend. The problem? A hundred or so feral cats roam free around the airport. The airport's solution? Trap them and destroy them if they are un-adoptable. Sounds pretty standard to me. However, the activists would like to see them trapped, sterilized and returned to the airport. Frankly, if I was being trapped in my home and sterilized, I might choose the gas chamber instead. Has anyone asked the cats how they feel about it? We did. The majority of cats agreed that they would rather die than have their balls cut off. One feline in particular was quite vocal about the issue; saying, "those m************ goodie goodie animal rights m************ can kiss my m************ a******* and go f*** themselves, and if those m************ think they are going to cut off my m************ b**** they can suck my m************ furry d***. The airport has suspended the practice of trapping until a reasonable fate can be determined for the adorable little fluff-balls. New York rats were unavailable for comment, and would not return our telephone calls.
Three individuals were arrested Wednesday in Berkeley, California at the site of a months-old tree sitting protest. The sitters have been sitting in the oaks there since December 'o6 in an effort to thwart the construction of a sports center. We asked one of the sitters "off the record" why not just plant more oaks around the area, to which the bashful tree sitter whispered, "it's really just a long running feud between the stoners and the jocks... I think we are winning".
A modest gathering of immodest protesters gathered in Sydney, Australia recently to voice their dissatisfaction with a business development that went sour back in '03. Standing nearly naked and carrying signs of protest they assert that the Lend Lease shopping centre was a "black hole" and consequently bankrupt nearly all of the small businesses involved. I guess no one told them how capitalism works; the little fish eats the plants, the big fish eats the little fish, the shark eats the big fish... nobody eats the shark. Sorry 'bout the ruined lives and all guys, but maybe if you would have spent a little more time watching the Discovery channel and less time working for sharks you would have known better.
Maori tribes-people took to the streets in New Zealand this week after being subjected to government-sponsored "anti-terror raids". It's somehow comforting to know that the epidemic of paranoia and fear has crossed over the mighty Pacific. Prior to the usual protest behavior, the disgruntled Maori performed the traditional "Haka" dance near Parliament. A member of Parliament who witnessed the ancient ceremonial dance said "I shat all over myself when those meat cleavers came out".
Comedian and writer Ellen DeGeneres has bowed out of an upcoming project for TV to be filmed in New York recently due to threats from the Writers Guild of America. The WGA asserted that the they would protest her appearance and force her to take back the dog Iggy which she adopted and then pushed off on another family. Ellen, being deathly afraid of the little pooch, decided not to cross the picket line after all. Instead she'll just be a SCAB in Burbank and tape the project entitled "Ellen's Big Apple Adventure" in California. Way to show some back-bone Ellen! In response to this turn of events Ms. Degeneres was quoted saying, "OOO, what pretty birds".
A law has been passed in Massachusetts to expand the protest-free zone around abortion clinics from 6 ft to 35 ft. Anti-abortion zealots , err I mean activists complain that this restricts their right to free speech. I'm gonna go ahead and throw an idea out there... and this is totally hypothetical... if they didn't pull fetuses out of the trash, throw blood on young women and doctors, AND blow clinics up maybe their "protest zone" wouldn't be treated like a demilitarized zone. And MAYBE (I know this is crazy) some kind of rational course of action could be taken to deal with unwanted pregnancy. One thing is certain... the protesters' inane, mean-spirited comments will be silenced soon, since screaming across a span of 35 feet will no doubt cause them to lose their voices, we hope.
You read that correctly. People are planning to protest the Republican National Convention TEN MONTHS OUT. WOW... they must really be steamed about something. Then again, I think this is the same group that camped out in front of a theater a year before the last Star Wars flick came out, only to find that it wasn't playing at that theater. What a bummer that must have been, eh? So much of their lives wasted... oh wait... they were wasting their lives anyway, so no foul.
An article in the Salt Lake Tribune recently highlighted the findings of a group of researchers who examined the effects of protests on stock prices. Their conclusion? PROTESTS PISS PEOPLE OFF! Hmm, I wonder if anyone has done any research on how much money has been wasted on things that don't really need to be researched. Just ask anyone protesting... anyone... pick a side (it doesn't matter), liberals or conservatives, nut-cases or fanatics, take your pick. Ask them "So, whatchya doin' out here with that sign and bullhorn?" , and they'll answer... "bringin' down 'the man' " or a derivative of said phrase. However, I can't argue with what the research concludes... if you cover your eyes and ears, they all go away... it's simple, but it works. It works by magic. I do this on a regular basis.
Yes, that's right. A group calling themselves "Team Britney" gathered over the weekend in LA to voice their dissapproval of the way the media portrays their idol, Britney Spears. Honestly, I'm just too befuddled to come up with a witty quip for this one, so you are on your own this time.
Greenpeace is protesting the efforts of Australian scientists to combat global warming. Proving that they'd protest against their own mothers for popping them out if they thought they'd get some press out of it. Now, in all fairness, the experiment does involve dumping urea (a fancy word for pee and poo) into the ocean to promote the growth of carbon-absorbing plankton. Somebody get on the horn to Greenpeace and tell them to do something about all of that whale shit at the bottom of the Indian Ocean will ya? That way, they can protest against both the whales and the whalers simultaneously and cover all their bases.(photo credit: Link)
A small group of individuals staged a protest yesterday at the University of California, Santa Cruz. Their beef is with a planned parking lot addition to the campus. After an initial encounter with campus security where the protesters "scurried up the redwoods", another protest was mustered and clashed again with security. Begrudgingly, I have to agree with the protesters on this one. We need smaller universities, and books with fewer words... and forests with fewer redwoods.
So, now the lawyers are getting into the protest business. Well, it's been my experience that anytime lawyers get involved, a big sticky mess is inevitable. And Musharraf's response? Protest the protesters with more protest. YEA... that'll help. Get two large groups of people carrying signs (aka sticks with staples in them) that disagree outside in the daylight. Now put police armed with machine guns in between them. Now stand back and watch the high jinx ensue.
Over at BoingBoing today I noticed they have a post about the strange looking gas masks that the police are using in their attempt to quell the uprising over in the Republic of Georgia. Not to be outdone (after all they are venturing into MY realm ;o), I eagerly began looking for more info on the subject to post here. What I found absolutely shocked and amused me. It seems the Mickey Mouse Gas-Mask isn't just a strange, random-chance resemblance. There is ACTUALLY a gas-mask that looks like Mickey Mouse! FOR CHILDREN! Granted it was for a different time and place, but damn it's bizarre. Too bad this story broke AFTER Halloween!
The Republic of Georgia's President Mikhail Saakashvili has accused Russia of causing civil unrest by ***SHOCKER*** organizing hordes of people to demonstrate against Saakashvili's government. SAY IT AIN'T SO MR. PUTIN. It just seems so out of character for ol' Vlad "The Bad" Putin to condone the use of espionage by his diplomats at the Russian Embassy in Georgia... weird. When asked about the accusations, Putin replied "whatchyougonnado 'bout it"? A demonstrator was recently asked what specifically was wrong with Saakashvili's leadership to which he answered, "I dunno, he's just lame". And after a pregnant pause continued "LOOK, they said there would be a party with strippers and booze after the rally, so get off my case willya!? I'm tryin' to voice my dissent here - ZHEEZH"
Well, they did it. 12,000 writers went on strike for more money yesterday. Now, given the fact that the film and television industry is perhaps one of the most incestuous industries on the planet; being rife with cronyism and nepotism (even more so than politics and organized crime in my opinion), I think the writers may be really hanging it out there. Sure, they may get what they want, but what happens a few weeks or months from now after they get back to the ol' quill and inkwell? There may be an exec or two not so happy with their creative works. Just a thought.
A large group of theology students in Ethiopia recently went on a hunger strike to protest the alliance of church and state's restrictions on free speech. The issue seemed to be spurred on by the recent visit to the local patriarch by pop-singer Beyonce. Other hunger strikers said it wasn't Beyonce they were protesting, but the political agenda of the church, yet others said they were there to complain about the cafeteria food. Still others were just there for the "Fad-Famine Diet" info-meeting. Guaranteed to trim your waste line by FIVE INCHES in just FORTY DAYS! Order your "Fad-Famine Diet" book TODAY and learn how YOU TOO can starve yourself to the brink of death.
A group of South African students, unhappy their school forced them to rewrite a paper due to a "discrepancy", organized a protest using facebook. 21,000 individuals were asked to come out, but only six souls actually appeared at the appointed place and time, proving once and for all that facebook sucks.
